Nothing Makes Sense
by ShadowMayne
Summary: Everyone has a few bad memories of school, peer pressure. The Winchesters must too. Just the thoughts of a boy when nothing makes sense and he just wants to fit in. Oneshot


Hey guys, this is really random, but I was thinking about something and I decided to try writing this down before the idea escaped me.

**Nothing Makes Sense**

They don't stare at me.

I've never figured out whether that's a good thing or not. Sometimes, sometimes I'd give anything for someone to realise I am here, sitting alone in a corner.

Other times I'm glad no one notices, its not so bad being alone if you're the only one who knows.

I don't understand though, why I can t just fit in like everyone else. I mean, it's not like I don't try.

I approach them, talk to them, and plead for them to say something back. I try so hard.

I try so hard and every time I fail. I never wanted much from them, I just wanted their approval, just wanted to fit.

They hate me though. The random, the one who doesn't fit. The one who sits alone, who suppresses tears below some deep wall and watches their friendships with jealousy.

I am the one who exists only to those who have none other to talk to. And hell, I'd even take that small assurance whenever it comes.

The thing is, sometimes it doesn't come. They don't know what its like to be so alone. I can take comfort in the fact that when this is over I'll have someone to talk to.

But it's always an act. I can't tell them who I really am. Can't tell them who hides behind the mask.

That's why I hate myself as much as these people must.

Because no matter how hard I try to tell myself otherwise, I am afraid, afraid of being alone, I have been ever since mum died.

Afraid of being alone and afraid hurting the people around me.

Sometimes, if they talk to me I sit beside one of them. But then another friend comes, they tell me to move, they joke and laugh but I move anyway. I don't want them to hate me, I move because I want them to see I just want a place somewhere.

I want to fit it.

But there's only one place I fit better than any other person, that's here, in a corner, on the outside, alone.

That's where I've always been. Once I had a place, I had a friend. Then we moved on.

Went to a new city, a new school. New people.

And once again I tried to fit in with them. The normal people who have friends.

Once again I didn't.

They usually ignore me.

I've never figured out if that's a good thing or not. Sometimes I'd give anything to have them see me.

Other times I'm glad because it's easier to suffer if no one thinks or acknowledges you are.

But that's thing I hate most about my life.

Nothing ever made sense. I lived a little while, and I was too young to understand, then we started moving, and then there were new rules everywhere, new names, new school and friends and people.

Then there was a father who is so layered I wonder if there's really a person under it all. And a brother who is popular, I'd love that. But I don't understand how he is content with this life.

It has never made any sense. Not to me.

There is only one thing I understand. That's that after the bell rings I'll be free.

Free to leave this stupid corner and go somewhere I can be alone and not be ashamed of it.

And then tonight, whatever evil devil's spawn comes my way can pay for all the pain I feel.

That's the difference between me and Sammy. I chose to accept dad and obey, because it's easier, because I understand it a little.

He chose to challenge dad because he can feel what it's like to be one of them and I guess he liked what he saw.

Maybe one day I'll get the chance to be free.

Nothing makes sense here, that's why I hate school and like the hunt.

But sometimes, the hunt doesn't make sense either.

Sometimes nothing makes sense.

But one day, I get the feeling it will.

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Hey guys, I ask you REVIEW please…I know this is incredibly random and probably not the best I've ever written but I am begging you to let me know what you think.

Your reviews make my day a little brighter. Keep Smilin' :)


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